Revision of the 10/25 poem

I saw them crushing the cocoons with their bare six year old fingers

the brown sludge leaking out.

the butterfly never knowing  the colors of its wings

the symmetry of his patterns.

I let the caterpillars tickle my arms as they crawled

Tracing the holes they left behind in scattered leaves

While the kids all ran playing house

So much noise that I silenced at will

if I could, I would have sat and watched the metamorphosis all the way through

the bears sleeping through winter

the chickens hatching from eggs

a fetus become real in the womb

my own conception from petrie dish to life

and I could never place the moment when I went from a silhouette to real

just that one day I could feel everything around me

knowing I was capable of more than I wanted to be.

I think my writing might be tearing me apart...

Still a work in progress

I hated the days when it was so hot I could taste my own salty sweat

it dripped into my eyes causing a sting.

While I stood blinded by sun, the mosquitoes biting my legs numb

Sucking me dry into a pruney structure.

Lifeless.

like the cocoons you crushed with your bare six year old fingers

the brown sludge leaking out with no permission granted.

the butterfly never knowing  the colors of its wings

the symmetry of his patterns.

I let the caterpillars crawl up and down my arms

Fascinated by their blue and yellow color scheme

Tracing the holes in the leaves they bit through

Not knowing if they would make it past a kindergartner’s curiosity.

I wanted more than anything to follow in their pattern

To change and fly away that moment when he held me down

and I could have sworn I said no

My only untainted gift taken without permission.

while I curled into a broken cocoon structure.

Damaged....the brown sludge leaking out.

The butterfly with the broken wings colors dulled

 it sleeps on my shoulder through the night.

Untiled for now...

Lightning strikes bright

like when the camera flashes

Momentary blindness of an unerasable moment 

when we ran down the wet streets

When I felt your finger tips through my jacket down my arm

Feeling the electrical shock

Trying so hard to be stone

Unreadable.

While the rain bounces off the streets in car lamps speeding by

Choking back the words like vomit

Walk the same streets later with the bile still inside you

Being pelted by recycled water

Placing your feet in the invisible footprints

The rhythmic droplets leak into your mind

Traveling to your heart

Turning red blood clear

Until you become a cloud kissing the ground

While you see them walk through it

Untitled for now...

 we float like thoughts through the brain.

Crashing into one another, conflicting.

like the electrical shock traveling down my crooked spine

first twist between the shoulder blades, second through the hips.

Feeling the tingle in my gelatin limbs

breathing just to stare at my uneven ribs

I think of the horrid reality

Of an imperfect skeleton, unchangeable bone

Of a heart disconnected from the  brain

All logic, no love

signals getting lost within spinal loops

traveling down the rollercoaster of calcium notches

missing the muscle that involuntarily beats

Resting in the uneven prison